A title with no title...

hey there again,,..i know..its been quite some time since i last blogged.. hadnt had the inspiration to do so.. To me, writing a blog, is something which needs inspiration, a desire to tell people something..something about life..the past, the present, the future.. and yet, i myself is not able to do so..

why?? even i ask myself this....

I am lost.. I have lost my way in life.. I can no longer see the road i am traveling on.. Where am i heading? What am i to do?

I don't know... I don't know who i am.. what am I? what am i to this world? a meaningless being? Unknown... Though i may disappear from the face of this earth, is there anyone who will even notice?

I feel the emptiness..A feeling i have long forgotten...

Lately, i have been caught up with so much, that i have lost myself, my friends, my life...

Where am i?

I'm here...Physically... Mentally,?? i am lost.. in space..somewhere in a dark dimension.. Far away from reality.. A place with sufferings, pain, anger and complicatedness.. Yet, it is also filled with miracles, coincidence, happiness, joy and love....

But..why don't i feel these happy feelings? why do i feel pain, anger, sufferings, Loneliness??
Do i not deserve to feel a bit of life??

My long lost friends... Lost due to certain regrets in life... Seeing them happy, moving on in life, makes me wonder, why aren't i i their world..what am i to them now? Do i even exist in their world? Am i even a part of their memory? or have i simply been forgotten?

I wish so hard...so be a part of their life...again... but.... i know... it is simply impossible... For miracles does not apply to a meaningless being, such as myself...

I wonder, who do i belong to.. what is my role in life... am i even alive? or is this all just a dream?? a dream of a dreamer.. A dreamer who will never wake up??

It is something which will remain a mystery in life...if i can say,..my life...

~a dream of a dreamer...~
natalia