The Story of A Loner...

Why is it so Dark??

I'm Lost... Left behind...

Why...

Why!?!?

But...

No answer...



"Where is everyone?"
Hah! who am i kidding...
I'm just an illusion..
Who never existed...
Simply a memory...
A memory of dreamer...
A dreamer who dreams...
Dreams of living..
In a world called; - 'Reality'

Friends...??
Do i have 'friends'?
Oh...i forgot...
I have no body..no soul...no existence...

What i do?
I work...
To make a living...
To fulfill my duty as a 'non-existing daughter'..

Where do i live?
In the realm of darkness..
The realm of eternity..
The realm with a neverending road of darkness...
The road of Sorrow...

The colour of my blood...??
I don't bleed... I do not posses a heart..My 'heart' is an icy hard rock shaped as a heart with the colour of darkness, sadness, disappointment...- black..

My existance...??
I will remain invisible..
As i already am...
I am a loner...
Who lives for no one...
But only to be a substitute...

The teenage girl will soon be lost... Never to return.. As the girl she used to be...

~the dream of a disappearing dreamer~

A title with no title...

hey there again,,..i know..its been quite some time since i last blogged.. hadnt had the inspiration to do so.. To me, writing a blog, is something which needs inspiration, a desire to tell people something..something about life..the past, the present, the future.. and yet, i myself is not able to do so..

why?? even i ask myself this....

I am lost.. I have lost my way in life.. I can no longer see the road i am traveling on.. Where am i heading? What am i to do?

I don't know... I don't know who i am.. what am I? what am i to this world? a meaningless being? Unknown... Though i may disappear from the face of this earth, is there anyone who will even notice?

I feel the emptiness..A feeling i have long forgotten...

Lately, i have been caught up with so much, that i have lost myself, my friends, my life...

Where am i?

I'm here...Physically... Mentally,?? i am lost.. in space..somewhere in a dark dimension.. Far away from reality.. A place with sufferings, pain, anger and complicatedness.. Yet, it is also filled with miracles, coincidence, happiness, joy and love....

But..why don't i feel these happy feelings? why do i feel pain, anger, sufferings, Loneliness??
Do i not deserve to feel a bit of life??

My long lost friends... Lost due to certain regrets in life... Seeing them happy, moving on in life, makes me wonder, why aren't i i their world..what am i to them now? Do i even exist in their world? Am i even a part of their memory? or have i simply been forgotten?

I wish so hard...so be a part of their life...again... but.... i know... it is simply impossible... For miracles does not apply to a meaningless being, such as myself...

I wonder, who do i belong to.. what is my role in life... am i even alive? or is this all just a dream?? a dream of a dreamer.. A dreamer who will never wake up??

It is something which will remain a mystery in life...if i can say,..my life...

~a dream of a dreamer...~
natalia

Shattered

Feeling and Seeing hurts more than being shattered to millions of pieces....

i dun even know what is this feeling i am feeling, what is it that i see? Is it the feeling of being lonely? Is it the feeling of being broken? Doesnt it all comes to d same?? PAin...SaDnEss...

I guess old habits do die hard.. Its not easy to change..its Easy say than done..
Maybe i am not mature enough... Time passes so fast that there is not even little time for life to be reflected on...

Suppose how time is managed depends on us... How and what our feelings are is how we look at things.. Things may not be as wat it seems.. Yet, if it does, theres nothin much that can be done, Can it?


song which suits the mood : Emmy Rossum - Slow me Down

~natalia~

My Life....

My past is something i have long gotten over with,..There is no point holding myself back to something which doesnt benefits me and yet makes me a being full of despair. The past is something which i shall never forget as we learn not to repeat our mistakes from the past. I admit, i have been a selfish, heartless and indecisinve person back then. But now, since i have grown, to be mature, i have been brought to the surface of the earth, to see more of the world than i have seen and known..

I may have hurt many in the past and i am sorry for have done so. But i guess being forgiven is something hard to be done after everything that i have done.Some may have released their anger by spreading rumours around or may not want me to be in their lives and not even as a friend.. But, me, having true friends, they know me well to not have done such things.

My new beginning has begun..and it is a new adventure.. an adventure full of obstacles and unknown people.. A journey where i shall be traveling in search of myself.. And on my way up there, i shall be accompanied by friends and family..People who has faith in me,.. People who sees me as who i am, and accepts me for the being i am.

Having people who loves me, people who cares for me, and people who are there for me, i shall move forward.. carrying the past with me as guidance.. My life will be a journey which will only happen once.. And i will not leave it to be wasted down the drain.My life will be an adventure.. An adventure full of surprises, Fun, Laughter, and Love.... And NO ONE, Not even One person shall Take that AWay From Me...Its my Life.. And I shall Decide on How the Story Goes...

~natalia~